Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
