when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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