last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
