I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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