I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
