i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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