Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
