things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
