I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
