I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
