What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
