how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
