he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
