hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
