sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
