Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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