The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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