Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
