jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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