Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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