I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
