I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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