Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The air taste purple.
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