I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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