They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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