Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
