my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
