In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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