Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
