Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
