I should be sponsored by Trojan
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
