I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
