I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
