It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
