I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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