Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My ass is underappreciated
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
