dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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