So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
