exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
