bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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