how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
