it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
