Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
