dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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