i would punch a child for taco bell
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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