your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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