some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
3pm strippers are depressing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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