I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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