This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
