Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
