So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
