I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
