Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
