So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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