did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
soo... how was my night?
I know her cup size but not her name....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
