How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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