I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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