bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
