I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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