We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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