i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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