i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
