Porn is love you can see.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
