Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
