my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
