Just fell off a train. Bad.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
