i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
