I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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