I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're like the curious george of whores
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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