I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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