FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
