i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
